Who Am I?

The night before my 13th birthday, I wrote in my journal of *all* the things I would change “tomorrow”, in order to FINALLY be my best self.

Friends, I was 12 years old.

I have struggled with finding joy through food, searching for “skinny” through exercise and starvation, and always striving for the infamous, “If _________, THEN, I’ll be good!”… for as long as I can remember.

I have done ALL the diets, I have tried *many* workouts, I have been a size 2… and never, have I ever, been satisfied.

The struggle is *real*… to want to inspire and motivate, but never feel happy with Yours Truly.

Y’all, for the first time EVER… in my life… at age 36…

20 pounds larger than my mind tells me I should be…

I’m finally recognizing that this body is strong… it is able… it has birthed THREE babies… it never stops… it’s always on the go… it’s FULL of energy… it.is.STRONG.

For the first time in my life, I feel as though I have fallen *in love* with my body.

Many of you have been asking me about the progress of my book, and for that… I am *beyond* grateful. Truly.

If I’m being honest, I was initially PSYCHED for my book, until I got in my head, started having all the doubts, and started asking myself, “Who in the world is going to want to “learn” from ME?!”

Doubts can be loud, and they can be MEAN.

But ya know what!?

I am realizing, FINALLY… after ongoing conversations with family, friends and accountability partners… that you don’t have to be “skinny” to be motivational. You don’t have to be a size 2… to be inspirational. Heck, you don’t even have to have it all figured out.

But Loves, I’ll be damned if I allow my identify to be wrapped up in a body size or eating pattern… anymore.

I can tell you that what I HAVE learned, is that healthy does not equal “skinny”.

I have learned that you CAN have that burger and fries, and NOT have the pizza and chips and Queso, too.

I’ve learned that you CAN have ice cream, and not eat the entire bin of chocolate and box of cookies.

I have learned that even though the scale may not budge, or may fluctuate a few pounds each week, that you can still be strong, and happy, and living your best, dang life.

I have *learned* to TRUST myself.

When I look at my daughters, my biggest PRAYER for them is that they never go through the eating struggles that I’ve experienced.

It’s truly a living hell.

I pray they can love themselves, in their own skin… as God made them.

That they are PROUD to be who they are, and that they don’t waste a single second with the next fad diet or ridiculous workout program they don’t even enjoy… simply because they *think* they need to LOOK a certain way.

For the first time ever, I am confident in this book I will be publishing…

Because for the first time ever, I am confident in myself.

Published by Laurel

I'm a mama of three, teacher by degree(s), and a dual-certified health & life coach. I am EXTREMELY passionate about helping those with a history of disordered eating make peace with food, their bodies, and their minds as they embark on their health and wellness journeys. Having spent over 20+ years of being a disordered eater myself, I have firsthand experience with the power behind awareness, experimentation, patience, a strong mindset, and accountability. You are not alone, My Friends... and you're in good hands. We’re in this together! 💞 Follow me on Instagram @pacifythechaos

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